Walking out of the fog
Have you ever walked in the fog? You can’t see far but continue to move, maybe enjoying the closeness but hoping it will soon dissipate? I find it doesn’t take much time before I long for clear skies, aware there is potential danger lurking where I simply cannot see. I embrace it for a short time, but long-term, it is a hazard and I am looking for a way forward.
In retrospect, I can admit that I have been in a deep fog, sometimes wandering aimlessly, just waiting for it to burn off. With all that has gone on in our world and the restrictions that seem unending, I gave in to the ‘meh’ that I hear so many complain about. It has been thick and constant and I feel as though I am finally finding my way forward, up and out of the fog.
What happened?
Just like the proverbial frog-in-water, I didn’t see it coming. Perhaps you can relate. I was cruising along, rolling with the changes in this COVID life. I kept waiting for ‘normal’ to return, believing it would be just around the corner. But somehow, in the waiting, I got lazy. Lazy in every way – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally. I didn’t see it clearly enough to recognize the bad spot I was in, but it was happening nonetheless. I figured I was fine, saying things like, “I’m good. When the weather gets better…when church opens up again…big deal if I eat another one…just play another level…I can deal with it tomorrow…who even cares?” Does any of this sound familiar?
Change was needed; I was running out of options. I needed a way forward…quickly! The weight gain, weak body, and the indifference I felt toward rich conversation with just about anyone, including God needed to end. “This isn’t who I want to be!” I yelled at myself. I prayed with deeper conviction, asking God to wake me up, to break me out of this grey existence.
Out of the grey
In an effort to feel better, I am eating very little sugar these days. I’m not being uber strict about it, but no desserts, baking, sweets or treats. Now, if you know me, you know I LOVE chocolate. This was not a flippant decision, nor was it made overnight. It took me getting fed up and searching for answers. I saw a friend’s post on Facebook regarding a 40-day sugar fast she was hoping to do in the new year. Considering this was the journey I was already on, it intrigued me. I bought the book and jumped in. It proved to be the way forward I was praying for. Not a diet or program, but a series of prompts to analyze my thinking. The author asked questions regarding the motivation of my heart and I could no longer make excuses. Busted!
His tender voice
To be clear, God did not move during this past year. He has remained where He always has, constant and faithful in His love and availability. I was the one who looked elsewhere for the comfort I was hungry for. I was the one who allowed my heart to gain an ever- hardening shell of apathy and indifference. It was me, not Him.
When I was ready to reach out, His response was immediate. He was right there to remind me of His presence. Not only was I now able to engage with this sugar-free devotional, but suddenly I noticed His invitation all around me. A recent church service focussed on prayer and reflection, interspersed with worship singing. Kind of up my alley;) One of our pastors encouraged us to ask the Lord if there might be a word that could lead us into 2022. Admittedly, this has never been a practice of mine and I was resistant at first. But in being open to new life, I asked and waited.
RESTORE
As this word landed in my mind with precision, I did not doubt the Holy Spirit’s gift to me. He immediately touched on every area where I felt depleted, empty, weak and hopeless. Just as quickly, my mouth spoke words of apology as my selfish lethargy flashed before my eyes. His words did not carry condemnation but an invitation to partner with Him again, to engage with Him and His mission. He was giving me the way forward. I felt more alive than I had in months and the tears flowed. Thank you Jesus! Thank you for not leaving me in the fray.
What about you?
Where are you at? Are you struggling to find a way forward? Does your life seem to lack vibrancy? You are not alone! I have clients report weekly that they feel discouraged, anxious, disconnected and wondering how to make a change. I could develop a 5-step plan or refer to any number of professionals who are experts in this field, but that’s not the best answer. It may help in the short term, but as a Christ-follower, I know at my core that only He will satisfy. He is my first line of defense.
How are you with Jesus these days? Where does He fit into your current lifestyle? Is He your greatest pursuit? I asked myself that question recently, and I had to admit that He definitely was not. Comfort rose to the top of the list. What tops yours? Perhaps that is a fitting starting place in you finding a way forward. What are you chasing? Who are you after?
Pursuing Jesus
With young adult children, there is constant talk of relationships in my home. There is much intention in their pursuit of the one they are learning to love. They want to connect often, to share their deepest feelings, to be heard, known and understood. It is beautiful to see their desires reciprocated. My heart is full seeing the purity of hopes met and shared.
It is the same with Jesus, don’t you think? The first few verses of Psalm 139 say this:
O Lord, you have searched me and have known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise;
Only You understand my thoughts from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
What do these words stir in you? Do you feel safe in reading them? He knows you; He gets everything you are thinking and feeling. My hope for you, as you may be in a difficult place, is that you will hear His invitation. Whether you are fighting the ‘meh’, battling a disease or a failing marriage, Jesus longs to be your restorer as He wants to be mine. Can you take a step closer to Him today? What might that be? Can you let Him in and dare to believe that He is the difference you are longing for?
Prayer
God, thank you for being a Father who doesn’t leave us to figure out this life on our own. You are available to us in any circumstance and every moment. Thank you for being an intimate God who does not stand at a distance, but one who stands in the mess with us, willing to show us the way forward. I pray for all of us Lord. Keep calling us by name, drawing us to a place where we can respond to You. Bring what we need today. It may be different for each one, but You know and are willing and able to provide far more than we even know to ask for. You’re so good…so kind…so patient…so tender in Your perfection. Woo us deeper Father. We want to delight in being Your children. Amen.
Finally, If you would like help in this season, please consider coaching. Perhaps therapy would suit your needs better in this season. Regardless, there is help available and we would be honoured to walk with you. You are not alone.
