The Power of Words
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
These simple words, spoken through the generations, could not be further from the truth. Have you ever said or thought them in a moment of hurt or defense, wanting to believe that what was just spoken would not leave a mark? Me too…but the power of words cannot be denied and we rise or fall depending on the message conveyed or the meaning made.
As a young girl, I quickly learned the power of words. I discovered saying the right thing could prevent or diffuse a situation. I also found that silence was my friend. In a highly patriarchal household, Dad’s words were usually the last spoken. All too often they were loud, critical and harsh. I cowered emotionally, always careful to not poke the bear. I did not witness rebuttal or assertiveness in the face of his aggression and so, as a result, I internalized the belief that my words were unwanted and insignificant.
In the absence of gentle and caring words from my father, I found the affirmation I was looking for in performance. I began singing in public at age 5 and received high praise from many. My vocal ability became my security and confidence as compliments became the norm. The notes themselves did not hold power, but I could see that musicality combined with emotion was the key to touching people. I held something magnetic, attractive and powerful. I made a silent vow to never let go and begged God to never take it from me. How could I survive without these words that fed my hunger so well?
What Does Scripture Say?
Believe it or not, the Bible has much to say regarding the power of words. Many references warn us of the duplicitous nature of the tongue and how it requires careful tending.
Proverbs 13:3 “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life;
he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
James 3:10 “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”
Proverbs 12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
As you read these verses, can you see yourself in them? Can you think of times where you have both built up and torn down with the power of your words? Perhaps painful memories rise to your awareness of words that have scarred you. I wish I could promise healing from this wretched illness, but it is part of the human condition. For the words spoken to you as a child that left you broken and traumatized – I’m sorry. For the ridicule or abuse you may face today – I’m so sorry. There is no reason good enough, no justification under the sun for such things to be said, and yet we are all guilty on some level. If you need help facing these issues, please reach out.
Today is a New Day!
As we reflect, let’s also be conscious to look forward. It is important to look at our pain and acknowledge it while also taking responsibility for the words we have spoken. For years, I arrogantly believed my silence and lack of opinion was thoughtful, kind and even godly. However, I see how hurtful it has been to my marriage, my children and close friends. I have wept over the lies I believed from childhood that robbed me well into adulthood. I have apologized for the hurt I have caused and pray I have learned from my mistakes.
Similarly, it is difficult to look at the words that have left their mark on me. With fresh eyes of understanding, silence is both a blessing and curse. I appreciate the wisdom of restraint in a moment, but on the opposite side, I am cut by the lack of response or engagement. And when self-control has not been present, I have reeled from words spoken out of frustration, judgement and misperception. I am tempted to cower once again, hiding from the sting of those potent words.
But I have a choice to make today. What will I do with the power of words? I cannot undo the past and its ugliness. But I can do things differently moving forward. In every moment, I have a choice to make. Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Will I speak life or will I speak death? A sobering question…
What now?
“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)
This is rather black and white, don’t you think? Leave it to Jesus to cut straight to the core! Essentially, he is asking us to fill ourselves with goodness, of which he is the source. If we are continually filling ourselves with vile cultural content, we absorb the surrounding cynicism . When I allow myself to spin in a vortex of negative thinking, I am filling my mind and heart with toxicity. Jesus says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If Jesus is the ultimate source of goodness for a life-giving mouth, then I want to fill up on him. I want to pour into the people around me, those I lead in worship, the clients I am privileged to coach. I want the power of my words to leave a lasting impact that draws people to Jesus and live differently as a result.
Consider what step you can take:
- Take an honest look at the power of your words (or lack thereof). Do you speak life?
- Do you need to ask forgiveness for careless words you have spoken?
- Confrontation, while difficult, may be a next step.
- Maybe you need to start within. Can you forgive yourself? Can you speak life to you? Think of ways to show love to yourself today.
- Write a note of thanks, encouragement or support.
- Surprise a friend with a gift and tell them how much they mean to you.
- Make your family’s favourite meal and express your gratitude for them.
- Spend time in prayer. Ask God to fill you with his goodness such that when you are poked, nothing but goodness comes out!
- Consider coaching if you would like to move forward with help and support.
- Therapy might be a good option for you if there are wounds from the past that need addressing before you can make progress.
