What is mercy anyway?
A variety of dictionary definitions read as follows:
- compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one’s power
- A disposition to be kind and forgiving
- Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one’s power
As I read these words, they feel hollow to me, like something is lacking. I don’t disagree that compassion and forbearance are elements of mercy, as are kindness and forgiveness. I could describe a merciful person in these ways. But as I understand mercy, it is far more powerful and comes with a potency that exceeds a kind disposition. To show mercy, it takes meekness and restraint, sacrifice and discipline. Mercy requires selfless courage that can feel impossible to display.
Max Lucado, well-known pastor and author, says this:
Resentment is when you allow what’s eating you to eat you up. Revenge is the raging fire that consumes the arsonist. Bitterness is the trap that snares the hunter. And mercy is the choice that can set them all free.
Wow! These words paint a graphic picture for us, suggesting that mercy is no tame beast. So, the question looms…how do I show mercy? How do I find it in order to give it away?
My journey
As I have taught recently on mercy and forgiveness, I have needed to take a hard look at myself. If I am honest, mercy is not my default response in most scenarios. I grew up in a legalistic household where doing the right thing the first time was valued. Blame and judgement were commonly in the mix and accompanied most situations and conversations. I wasn’t even aware of racist comments or the arrogant pride that filled much of the air in our home – it was just the norm.
As I left my parent’s home to begin my own, there was no radical change. I now attended a church very similar to the one I had grown up in, surrounded by people who thought and behaved in ways I was familiar with. In my blindness, I assumed I was kind, generous and merciful. Aren’t all good Christians? Doesn’t it come with the package?
Sadly, for myself and many other well-intentioned people, it is a hard realization that we are not hard-wired to be this way. We are selfish by nature, bent on filling our own desires and agenda. It has taken some hard knocks on the head for me to see that I needed to change. My eyes needed to see my self-centredness, my own bigoted thinking and the pride that fueled it all. I did not know how to show mercy.
What does the Bible have to say?
With mercy as one of God’s core characteristics, how do we begin? This is as vast and deep a topic as God Himself! But since we are to be merciful as God is merciful, (Luke 6:36), it is a worthy study. Rather than a compiled list of random verses, let’s briefly examine a story in 1 Samuel 26 in the Old Testament of the Bible.
Previous to this, David had been in hiding because of King Saul’s repeated assassination attempts. Saul, consumed with jealously and insecurity, wanted David out of the picture because David was God’s next choice for the throne. David was a decorated soldier, a passionate and kind man, a leader to many, a threat to Saul.
Because of Saul’s erratic and somewhat obsessive behaviour, David fled to the surrounding hills for safety. This is the setting for the story before us. Saul shows up with 3000 men intent on finding and killing David. As the cover of night falls, David, together with his right-hand man, descends into Saul’s camp. God keeps all asleep, allowing David to get to the very centre where Saul lays in silence. Beside the snoozing king is his spear, ready for a quick response should danger enter the camp. David’s friend encourages him to kill Saul but instead, David shows mercy and takes the spear up to high ground.
It is from this safe vantage point, that David called out to Saul. As David described what he held in his hand, every one of those 3000 men knew they failed their king; they left him vulnerable and unprotected.
David’s response
This is what David called down to Saul: “‘The Lord delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed. As surely as I valued your life today, so may the Lord value my life and deliver me from all trouble.’” (1 Sam 26:23-24) David had every opportunity to exact revenge, to stop the insanity by ending it once and for all. Any bitterness or resentment that had built up in the dark, cold caves could have been released as he thrust the king’s own spear into his heart. But David showed compassion, tenderness and forgiveness, all the while withholding the power that was fully his at the moment. Saul deserved punishment, but David would not be the one to deliver it. We see that David made himself extremely vulnerable, but that is the essence of mercy and forgiveness.
Some practical options
So, what does this mean for us? Great that David was so noble and took the high road. But what are the implications for today? How do I show mercy to those who have hurt me?
There are three key things that David showed us that crucial day:
- He did not rub Saul’s nose in his bad behaviour. David could have reminded Saul of his unjust and unwarranted actions, but he honoured the king before thousands. David’s humility became Saul’s conviction.
- David did not smear Saul’s name. Even as Abishai was eager to kill Saul with a warrior’s precision, David did not join in the lust for vengeance, even in the words he spoke. David upheld the king, even though both men knew it was not because of the king’s virtuous character.
- He refrained from rehearsing Saul’s wrongs. David made a choice to see Saul as God’s anointed, despite his faulty behaviour. David did not hold himself in superiority over Saul, citing judgement over his evil demeanour, but instead, in humility, handed justice over to God.
My response
I can easily say that I have been proficient at the first response listed above. And because I didn’t remind people of their wrongs or ever rub their faces in their mess, I figured I was merciful, that I was doing a pretty good job. But can you hear the arrogance and superiority creep in? I was the one doing the right and godly thing. ‘I wouldn’t do what they did, but I’ll take the high road and offer mercy.’ Ugh…to realize the ugliness in that statement makes me squirm.
While I may have refrained from reminding my offender of his/her wrongdoing, I would keep it alive in conversation with a close friend and refreshed in my mind. Minor offenses have been relatively easy for me to let go, but when deep hurt entered my inner circle a few years ago, the words said and not said have been playing on repeat ever since. Realizing this is a lack of mercy stopped me in my tracks bringing me to my knees in repentance.
If God gives His fresh and abundant mercy to me each day, how can I deny it for another? How can I fail to show mercy when He lavishes it upon me? It is the supreme injustice. If I hold back mercy and forgiveness, who am I hurting most? I throw Jesus’ mercy back in His face and sentence myself to misery and bondage. It is an avoidable journey.
What now?
What does your road look like? Do you show mercy to those around you or do you struggle to offer it freely? If so, you are not alone and there is no judgement here. I am so relieved that God is bigger than our failure and offers us an alternative. If you need help, consider coaching. Together we can explore the blockages you may have and invite God to bring His healing. If you are suffering the effects of deep trauma and feel therapy is better suited to your needs, Mercy Seat Ministry might be a good fit for you. Regardless, know that there is help available and you are not alone!
